On Falling into the Unknown

As part of a training experience I am participating in, we have been practicing sourcing our speaking from the unknown.

Here I am practicing writing from the unknown. I start this sentence not knowing how it will unfold from this moment. My intent is to relax the grip of my mind and its tendency to plan each word in advance. This is not happening right now I am simply writing each word as it arises in front of me.

This is so hard at first given how deep the rut of mentally planning every move is in my inner landscape. Where I am so passionate about shifting this pattern because I am all about processes of creation that live and life does not plan in advance – what happens is a perfect expression and resolution of all the forces at play right now, right here, no imposition or hijacking by mental images is required.

Today I learned part of the trick of it is just starting starting to speak or write or move and then let the next word or whatever arise and experience this kind of falling where something emerges from thin air to catch you before you hit the ground and gives you access to the next thing and the next thing is a flow that is so fluid and where…

(note – I am going to start putting … when I catch myself falling back in the planning rut, take a breath, then try again, starting with another …)

…the thing is practicing to create a new groove and practicing and practicing until it is a readily accessible possibility to simply let life happen through me and where…

…and yes here I start again and am just typing non stop to see what happens it is very strange not knowing what the next word is right in this moment until the last word is already happening like the word shines a light on the next stone in the path…

…where the sense of so much falling out with so little effort compared to my usual style of writing where I think so much about each sentence or word before making a move this is a new thing something to practice and …

…I notice fear of because I am committed to publishing this what if it is crap or what if I am actually kidding myself yet I know I am not entirely doing so because I literally did not know this and this and this was next on the list then suddenly boom I leap sideways and now am over here look at myself from outside my body at this man typing furiously faster than his thought and wild…

…where I sense that what comes next is not only writing without planning ahead but somehow bringing whatever forces are here as in the tension between whatever necessity is here right now and here I or this space is right now and somehow bringing that to bear on the realtime emergence of word after word after word right now I notice that about two words are falling out in front of me not only one yet that feels okay and I am rolling on it is so weird how ready forces other than only my mind are so easily ready to flow without hardly any effort and now I’m not caring whether this is drivel or not it IS practice and that is the necessity that is the requirement right now.

Note: There is part of me that cannot resist going back and clicking on the wriggly red line to correct spelling errors. So I did, without changing a single word or editing anything else.

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